In this life, you will encounter people who will suddenly, out of nowhere, become your biggest "fans." They'll tell you how fabulous you are. They'll begin acting like the two of you are "besties." You know, "tight." They will be very thoughtful, or complimentary, or extraordinarily pleasant. They'll have a big old smile just for you. They will make sure whenever you see them, you are seeing them on their very best behavior. They'll do this, right up until the moment they realize that you are not who they want you to be, or that you cannot provide them with what they want, or that you will not or can not, be the stepping stone they wished you to be. When that moment arrives you will, in their eyes, suddenly go from being "the best thing since sliced bread," to being...well, something altogether different, and probably much less "nice."
It doesn't matter who you are, what you do for a living, how much money you make (or don't), what your hobbies and interests are, what church you belong to (or don't), or what neighborhood you live in. At some time, in some setting, some one like this will show up in your life. Depending on your personal circumstances, you might be unfortunate enough to have these someones show up with regular frequency. And when they don't get what they want, they will turn on you faster than you can say "what the hell just happened?"
What it boils down to, I think, is that being able to recognize the difference between flattery (prompted by ulterior motives, whether consciously or subconsciously present) and genuine admiration and respect, can save you a lot of trouble. It's a skill that can keep you from wasting time and emotional energy on fostering meaningless ideas or negative relationships, whether they be personal or professional in nature, and spare you from unjustified feelings of guilt. It's a skill that can protect you from manipulators.
Look, if someone who has previously showered you with compliments, accolades, and niceties- either publicly or privately- suddenly changes their tune after asking for something and not getting it, you might want to ask yourself if there isn't a good sporting chance it was never a genuine relationship/partnership with you they were after in the first place. And if you're feeling badly about saying "no," you might want to ask yourself if you really need to. People pleasing is a hard habit to break, but you can kick it if it happens to be the monkey on your back. Take an objective look at the situation. You might find that you are surprised by what you see through an objective lens. Nobody likes to say "no" or have it said to them, but we all take our turn in each position, and hopefully, most of us act with some integrity and grace when it's our turn.
If you're dealing with one of these someones, try not to let the various, nasty ways they might instinctively try to lash out (guilt trips, assumption statements, confronting statements, he-said-she-said, self pity, third-party authority references, etc.) affect your perception of the situation or yourself, or take up any more of your precious time. It's not about you not being "nice," or not being a decent person worthy of respectful treatment. In fact, it's not about you at all. It's about them. Them, and their inability to accept that their manipulation and flattery didn't get them what they wanted.
Every single one of us on this planet will at one time or another, manipulate people or situations- or try to, anyway. It's the human way. But most of us, I think, grow out of it. We grow up. And when and if we should find ourselves possibly being manipulative, we just f---ing stop it. You can't control another person's intentions or behaviors. Just your own. It is okay to say "no" for any reason, to any one, at any time. You do not have to justify your "no." Act with integrity, and the people who actually respect you and care about maintaining a relationship with you, will not change their tune just because you said "no" to them this time.
